FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
