Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
