Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
