Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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