don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I skipped work to stalk him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
