It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
