Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
