In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize