i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
