There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize