does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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