isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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