Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My breasts were aching with rage.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
