i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
