I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
