i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We named our party play list daddy issues
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
