Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
