I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
