Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
