it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
