I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
