I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
