The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
