:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
