your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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