I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Even my vagina gasped.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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