trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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