He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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