her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
