Will you blow on my dice?
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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