so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
