Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
