Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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