yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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