Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
