I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
