I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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