he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I understand Curling. That high.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
