Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
