It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My vagina is very pro this idea
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
