dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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