Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
