I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize