I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize