she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need a beard to bite.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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