I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
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