Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
