Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
