You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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