Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize