Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
