you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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