I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
