she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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