so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
