I met the friendliest cop last night
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
