Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
