no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
