There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
