so explain again why im purple
no
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
