party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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