I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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