Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
