plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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