I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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