pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
