Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You left your phone here
Wait...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
