My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You need Xanax blowdarts
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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