I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
