Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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