Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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