It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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