Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
