I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
