the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
