OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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