Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
