i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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