Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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