that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
