i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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