At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
