alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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