You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
