Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
