i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
