It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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