My hand turned me down
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
If I die, sorry about rent.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
