Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
