Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
