at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
